Dawson's Hope

Serenity's Bath time

2010-01-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

Wow I cannot believe that I have been so awful about blogging lol.

The last time I posted was almost a year ago!

Gee whiz time sure does fly.

Megan my BFF has been nudging me to blog since well...last year lol.

Now with Serenity actually being here I would like to blog more so we shall see how it goes.

I shared this story with Megan and she poked me a bit and said I need to post it and keep posting more.

So here it is my first post since 2009 :)

Serenity's Bath time:

I love being a Mama and watching Serenity grow. Her morning bath time was super cute today. Her bathtub is in the shape of a whale. The tail part sits back a bit, the body is a seat, and the tub is the whales face. It is super cute. So she sat herself up and leant forward and started swishing her hand around in the water. She has a little handheld whale that sprinkles water on her and she kept trying to catch the whale, but everytime she splashed the water the whale got away it was super cute.

GOTTA LOVE IT!!!! :)

About us...

2009-01-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

Today my heart was filled with joy. Fred and I slept in, which was wonderful. Well okay I slept in lol. I need my sleep!!!

Freddie went to bed early last night (8:00p.m.) so he was up early, then came back to sleep so he kind of slept in.

We like to go to www.whattoexpect.com and read about my body and the baby's growing body. Fred was excited to know that next week when we go to the doctor we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Hopefully the doctor will do an ultra sound and we can see baby.

That would be great. While we visited the site we got to see a video someone had take of their 9 week ultrasound. In the ultrasound we could see the babies head, arms, and legs. It was really really cool. Usually you can not see that much so early on, but that baby was sitting just right. Everything was clear.

So we decided that although baby can not hear us yet, we will keep asking baby to turn over so that we can see him or her lol. Silly yes, but we already talk to baby anyway lol. It's fun to know that in a few more months baby will be able to hear us.

I hate all the nausea and vomiting that I have had, but it also reminds me that baby is inside of me and everything seems to be going great so far.

Actually the past two days have not been so bad. I only got sick once today, and twice yesterday! Much better than the usual 3 or 4 times. I even slept through the night without waking up needing a snack because I felt nauseated.

I have not really gained any weight, but that is okay. Or so I have been told that is okay. I suppose I will start to in the coming months. My goal is to only gain the recommended 15-25 pounds. I told Fred he has to help me not to pig out and he will :-).

The trouble gaining too much weight will cause is not worth pigging out for me anyway. I do not want to put our baby at anymore risk than he or she already is. Since I am overweight/obese.

If we get an ultrasound (which we are making very clear we want one) next week I will post what I can on here.

So pray that baby is sitting all cool like that other little one was. I can not stop thinking about that video and how next week that might be us :-)

Today Freddie wanted to take a nap with me and when we went to lay down he has the gigantic smile on his face. So I asked him what in the world has him smiling so big???

With a smile on his face that must of been pouring out of his heart, he said, "we are so happy, I am so happy."

He could not stop smiling thinking about me, about baby, about our life now and later. It was a sweet moment. He is right, I am very happy.

I can not thank God enough for giving me Fred and our wonderful life together. We are looking forward to what life with baby will bring us....stay tuned lol :-).

2008-12-15T18:58:00.000-08:00

Mr. Wonderful in Front of a Christmas tree at church.

Sunday Afternoon...

2008-11-25T05:04:00.000-08:00

Sunday my best friend Megan, her husband Tim and their little one's came over after church. It's was their first time visiting our new apartment after our down sizing. So with there being less space I was wondering how this would work out. It turned out to be great!

Since they had never been there before I showed them the way from church, then I took off and went to the store to buy more snack food. We did not plan on guest and I really needed to go anyway. So off to Kroger I went.

When I returned I experienced one of my happiest moments that day. I was walking down the sidewalk and could hear the little one's laughing! Yes, I could hear them outside. Not because they were being rude or anything it was just normal laughter. The kind you would expect to hear when happy children are near.

It made my heart smile to know they were happy. To think one day God might bless us with children. Maybe one day I will be walking down the side walk and hear Fred inside making our little one laugh. It was a sweet moment for me.

Before we came over I asked Megan and Tim to excuse the mess, I was in the process of hanging things up and putting things away so we had a few things in a few places. Which by the way is now right where it should be!

As I was thinking about the laughter, I opened the door and found myself in the most wonderful mess of newspaper. The little one's were laughing because Fred let them at his old newspaper. Instead of coloring on it, they had taken it and kind of turned it into snow. There was paper everywhere. Flying around in the air on the floor on the couch. In the dinning area. It was everywhere and it was the most beautiful mess ever!

I loved it, who needs toys when there is pots and pans and paper!!!

When it was time to go the little one's helped clean up. As crazy and messy as it looked it only took 2 or 3 minutes to clean up, it was great!

While they were here Meggie read books or maybe a book, one of the little one's took a nap. Fred and Tim watched the Cowboys win, woo woo! I got to spend time with the people I love!

I made chili and best of all we made another memory to last a lifetime.

I'm glad God brought Megan into my life over 20 years ago. Through our friendship I have come to love her family the same as my own.

Her wonderful husband and sweet little pea's.

They have been such a great encouragement to Fred and me.

Hopefully one day God will bless us with children, and our growing family will be something beautiful like theirs.

Unemployeed...Updated

2008-11-25T04:38:00.000-08:00

*I'm sorry, I forgot to update this post. A friend was asking me about it last week. I did transfer to the other center. It has been a nice experience. The staff is very nice over there and I like it a lot. I have no regrets and I am very glad I decided to give the big church a chance.*

Our life has been so crazy here recently. I am technically unemployed. The church early childhood center that I worked for closed it's doors on the 21st. The reason given is too much of a financial burden. In other words it was not bringing in as much money as was hoped for.

The church I worked for is actually a satellite ministry for a larger church. I was told that the decision to close the doors was not brash, but one that had been prayed about for several months. When the smaller church took on the responsibility of the center it was already in a poor financial situation.

The big church wanted to grow it as a ministry to children and their families. However over the last 14 months the center never grew beyond 50 children. So the big church still had to support the smaller one and it over time became too much to handle. According to the big church reps.

We, the staff, were all given our certificates that the church had payed for and even our FBI background checks. So it will make it a lot easier to hire on somewhere else. That is a huge blessing.

Now I'm kind of stuck in transition because the bigger church might transfer me over to their Early Childhood Center. Which is stable and has been around for the past 17 years. I will actually work today from 8:30-2:30 I believe. So I am hoping and praying that I find out their plans for me. If I transfer my start date and vacation time earned will remain the same, and more importantly I will not have to look for a new job and can go love on the kiddos over there.

It will be kind of strange for me. They are not in need of a Preschool Teacher so I'm not sure what I will be doing. Maybe I will sub or be a floater and help all of the Teachers as needed. I think I would like that. We shall see!

He Drives Me Crazy!!!

2008-11-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

So Fred was doing something that made me nuts and he looks me right in the eye (okay well as best he could lol since he is like 8 inches taller than I am) and he says "how come you blog about only wonderful things I do you should paint the full picture not just half of it." :) Is he nuts! So he wants me to blog about how He Drives ME Crazy!!!

Just to humor him a bit I thought sure why not.

I mean I'm sure any woman who has ever been with a man for an extended period of time can relate to a number of these.

So here is my Fred drives me crazy list...

When he toots...I swear his gas could be used to take an entire country out and sometimes he strikes without warning! So beware lol!

I have never met anyone who can hold more spit in their mouth, I always say SPIT IT OUT!!! ICK!

Okay now anyone with a teenage boy will like this one. Fred can eat a whole pizza, buffalo wings, and drink 10 teas, then look at me and say, "that was just a snack, what's for dinner"

LOL.

Is that even normal for a teenager???? I mean really, I would die!!! And he is the skinny one someone please explain that!

Now this is sweet kind of, but sometimes not so cute. Fred always kisses me goodbye in the morning before he leaves and always kisses hello when he returns home in the afternoon. Which I love, however...

Summertime means sweat and my dear wonderful Freddie sweats like a pig. So the morning kiss is fine, but he comes home covered in sweat leans over ever so sweetly and plants a big one on me. Needless to say his sweat drips into my eyes, covers my face, and next thing you know I am wetter than a penguin!

Now that is when He Really Really Drives Me Crazy!!!

Oh and my all time favorite, you know how you can send a man to find something but he never does.

I can tell Fred, go look in the pantry behind the peanut butter and you will find your snacks, no better not say snacks he would find those!

How about and you will find my jar of olives. He will come back look at me and say, "I didn't see them!" Are you kidding me.

So off I go into the pantry move the peanut butter move some other random something maybe move one more thing or not and whoop there it is! He will look at me and say, you said "behind the peanut butter!!!!!!!!!"

Please scream with me now.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Needless to say...

HE DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!

Now for all the things he does wrong he does a 100 more right so I have learned to run fast lol. I have found that keeping tissue on hand is always a great idea, the way to a man's heart is truly through his stomach, and I have also learned that if you want a man to find something give him directions without giving him directions and he will figure it out! ;) LOL

A Time For Everything...

2008-11-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

Here recently I had to let a "friendship" go. Sometimes in our life we are so blinded by love that we do not see the pain in staying in a situation or a relationship.

Finally after many years of being in a "friendship" with this person I had to say it's time for me to go.

I did not want to say goodbye because I am forever an optimist and maybe one day our relationship can be healed, but right now I am just not sure about that. Right now I am at a point where I can not even talk to this person because my heart is so overcome with sadness, but in my pain I have found peace from God.

It's beautiful how when we are in a place of pain or hardship God will whisper something into our heart and help us to move forward. As my heart wept from the ending of this relationship God used His word to remind me...

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and at time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

The Holy BibleEcclesiastes 3:1-8

You know God must have really wanted me to get this point because yesterday my Preschool class and the Pre-K class had to uproot our pumpkin patch, so Ms. Suzanne the center director had the kids sit down and she shared part of Ecc. with them also. At first I started to tear up as once again God knew I needed to hear that, but then I smiled because I knew everything would be okay.

So I found that it is okay to weep when you have to give something up, but the weeping is followed by laughter. The scripture also said there is a time for mending, so there is always hope that one day this person and I will enter into a true friendship.

Victory

2008-09-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Here I am married to this wonderful man, and yet sometimes I find myself not only thinking but saying, Fred you can do better. Not that, I can do better, but that he can do better.

I feel bad because in general I know that my husband is absolutely wonderful and yet I have told him that he is not.

Why would anyone in her right mind do that???

If I ask Fred to help me, he jumps right up and helps me. No moaning, no groaning, no anything other than pure 100% unquestioned help.

Really all I have to do is say something needs to be done and he will offer to do it or he will just do it. That is just how amazingly sweet he is. Freddie makes me feel so beautiful he has from day one and still today calls me his princess. His beautiful princess, he is totally convinced that I get checked out all the time and of course he is also convinced that he does as well. He likes to say, who wouldn't check out such a beautiful woman. I usually laugh at that, and smile. He is soooo cute!

Still I find the need to let him know that he is not, why? Why would anyone in her right mind do that.

Fred would get me dressed if I let him. Not to control me, but because his goal is to help me in whatever way I need. If that means dressing me, taking me out when I am tired, cleaning or keeping Kitty busy and away from me, he will do it.

I could go on and on about all the ways my husband lifts me up and for whatever reason every once in awhile I tear him down.

What's worst is he is the one who says, that hurt my feelings.

You know I did not ever think I would hear those words come out of my own husbands mouth. I for some reason thought I would be the one who said Fred hurt my feelings. I guess I had the men are dogs mentality. Not that I ever thought that Fred was a dog, of course not. I did however think that he had a greater chance of hurting my feelings, than I ever did of hurting his.

So needless to say that I was in total shock when I discovered that I can in fact hurt him badly and not only that I am an awful forgiver.

God has used our marriage to show me that I have a long way to go in my life journey and I have a lot of learning to do. Really I just discovered that I am not fully grown.

Now to my own defense I have found that I give Fred a hard time around a certain time of month. It does not happen every month thank goodness, but over the course of the past year there has been three occasions where I seemed to have completely forgotten what Fred's love is, how it feels, or even that it is real.

So maybe I can claim that I was in fact not in my right mind at the time, but I do not want to excuse it. I want it to not happen.

I want to always remember that I am married to a man who can see me unveiled and fully vulnerable and love me anyway. He is the person who has wiped away my tears. In fact even cried with me. He has drawn me into his arms in good times and in sad times. He is the man who has gladly given up football to love me and protect my heart.

The same man who makes me a bowl of cereal in the morning. The one who prays with me and for me. Who always kisses me goodnight and never leaves without kissing me and saying see you later. Always quick to remind me that our time is precious and every moment with me good or bad is a moment to treasure because it was our moment. He is my helper. The one my soul loves and longs for. He is so much more than a lover he is my friend.

I had to write this blog to see it, to read it, to remember him.

I know there is a great chance that I will have a moment again where I forget who he is, but I have promised in my heart that I will do better.

It is so funny how marriage parallels our life with Christ. Jesus longs to be close to me. To you. Longs for us to love Him, to remember him, and to trust Him. Christ loves us so much that he died to himself and hang on a cross. Knowing full good and well that we would reject Him, but hoping that in His ultimate showing of love we would come home into His arms. How often he says Tandi I love you, oh how I love you. Not only do I love you, but I will continue to love you no matter what you do to me.

I can spend my whole life running from God and rejecting Him and He will spend my whole life trying to bring me home. All I have to do is accept His love, ask for forgiveness, and say I am yours.

Just like I have had to accept my husbands love, ask him to forgive me for forgetting his, and say I am yours.

So just as in my marriage when I have come to the place where I realize my sin and ask my husband to forgive me I too find myself in that place in my walk with Jesus.

I wish I could say that I have not recently had an episode where I forgot how much Fred loved me, but with His help I was able to stop, think, and realize what was happening. With his help we overcame the situation and in the end I feel like we came out stronger and better than before. Knowing that we can conqueror hardships.

God too in Jesus wants us to know that we are more than conquerors and if we would just go to him with our troubles, with our cares, pain, and joy that he will heal our wounded souls. Now don't get me wrong sometimes we want to rush through the process. Sometimes the process can be long and tiring. God did not promise that anything would be easy. Do not get fooled into thinking that you will not suffer, but know without a doubt you are not alone and God will be with you. If you trust Him. He will walk with you, he will carry you if need be, he will wrap His arms around you and there will be victory.

Rest assured my God is an awesome God!

If my human husband can love me, walk with me, and bring me to a place of hope and healing than surely God can.

So who knows what tomorrow may bring, hey who knows what the next minute may bring, but there is hope.

There is hope.

The Story of Us

2008-08-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

I remember not too long ago wondering if love is real. We all want to be loved by someone special. I have dated a lot in my little 27 years and I have been left broken hearted more than once. I have to admit that I was close to giving up on love, but love was not ready to give up on me.

Before saying my final goodbye to love I decided to try out internet dating. An adventure I can still laugh about (I can share with you sometime) and an adventure which lead me to the man who calls me, "the love of his life".
I'm really not sure how I was brought to OkCupid a dating website, but somehow I found myself there one lone night.

It's not a very well know site and honestly not one I would visit in my right mind. However the evening I found it I was bored and I discovered a section where I could take quizzes that would match me to "compatable males", so I thought why not? I filled out a few of the quizzes and was matched 70% to a guy whose screenname was Tallguy777.

Since I find tall guys attractive I thought why not check this guy out and see what his profile has to say. It's one thing to be attracted to someone based on a physical characteristic, but it is more important to connect with their heart.
After reading over his profile, my heart skipped a beat or two lol.

Based upon what he stated I could not pass this profile up without sending some sort of hello and seeing what might come of it. He was very straight forward which I like, and according to his profile we shared similar values and beliefs. Which is of the utmost importance.

What really tugged at my heart strings was something he had written out in big bold letters, "IM LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WITH A BIG HEART." Now in general one would ask is this guy for real and move on. I mean you just don't read that kind of thing everyday, but me being me I had to check him out. See if he means what he says.

Plus one of the things I like to request in a potential mate (and had stated in my profile) is that he have a "HEART THE SIZE OF TEXAS" No joke, lol. So you see I could not resist writing him.

Within a day Mr.Tallguy777 had sent a response back to me and we started the communication process. We talked for three days, but had yet to share our real names, e-mail addy's, photos, or anything else that offered too much personal information. From my prior adventures in internet dating I decided it is not wise to share too much too soon. So though our safe communication and based upon what I had learned so far, I thought why not ask him for his e-mail addy and we could take it from there.

Now remember at this point we had not yet shared our names or any personal info other than what is stated in our profiles and the things we had shared via okcupids e-mail. Now leave it to me to break the quite lol my personal e-mail address that I gave him does have my name on it (yes I know duh!!! lol, I had a Tandi moment!) so lol he wound up knowing my name 2 days before I knew his.

Our interest in each other continued to grow so he sent me an e-mail asking would I like to meet for coffee and conversation. That was day 7 of our communication process. I was trying to send him a message saying maybe we should talk over the phone next and take things from there, but in the process of doing so he sent me an instant message. I was quite happy to hear from him because I really wanted to talk to him over the phone and see how our conversation would flow.

Funny enough he greeted me with a hello and then after my hello he sent me a message saying, "hey I think I know you." Of course I was about ready to end our conversation on that note. Thinking great he is one of those, I know you kind.

GESH!

So my response was, you know me huh?

He went on to say, "well based on your profile and what you have shared with me over the course of this week, and your e-mail name hint :-), yes I am pretty sure I know you.Not only do I think I know you, but I'm pretty sure we also go to the same church!"

Now my heart is beating and I am wondering who in the world is this guy???
SO I asked, who are you?

He told me, Fred. He asked if that was okay and he asked if it was okay that we went to the same church. Which I thought was funny. What girl wouldn't want to meet a man from her church?

Anyway, so as it turns out Fred and I have known each other for several years, but only in passing. You know the casual hello how are you kind of relationship. I knew him to be a nice man, but did not know much beyond surface material. So we planned a date two days later.

Fred admitted to me that he had asked out several girls, but was turned down for one reason or other. He also admitted that he can be quite persistent and some people do not that. After spending time with Fred I came to the conclusion that people misjudge his heart and who he is more than anything else. Fred can be very ornery (trust me I know lol), but he is more so wonderful and very sweet.

Either way that is their lose and my gain. Fred did share with me that he also went out or hung out with a few, but was either left heart broken or in the end decided that the other person was only a friend.

A heart break is what led him to OkCupid, he actually thought to himself maybe he should stop asking out/going with girls from our church and look elsewhere.
Really he had it dead set in his heart that he would not date anyone else from our church lol. Needless to say what we think and what God wants can surly be two different things lol. His broken road led him straight to me and right back to his church no less hehehe. :-)

So I can sit here tonight and say yes love is real, and I have met and am going to marry, the love of my life!

A Giving Spirit...

2008-08-13T20:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we get so focused on our arrival that we plow down blessings along the way.

Fred and I are moving in two months and we decided to get a smaller apartment to save even more money for a house. Since our current apartment is full and about 270 sq ft bigger we decided to get rid of a lot of stuff.

My first thought was we need to save money and what a blessing we can go online and kind of yard sale our items. I wanted to try ebay and Craig's list and well whatever else I could find. Now granted I was not expecting to hit it big, but I thought surly we could get some money that we could store away.

So I started asking Fred where should we list our stuff and he kind of looked at me with a puzzled look. I love this man. He's like why would we sell anything. So I'm thinking, great now we are going to be stuck with too much stuff.

Of course that is not what he meant at all. The puzzled look was because my dear giving husband was thinking, WHY would you not give the stuff away???

He did not ask in that way he simply said let's just find people to give the stuff to. God has been good to us and we need to be good to other's.

You know all of a sudden I felt really bad for not thinking to give. My thought was more on my own needs than the needs of others. Because of that I nearly plowed right over God's blessing of giving and right into my own lonely destination.

I failed to think about the fact that by moving we are already being blessed and by giving we will be blessed even more.

So I had to stop and thank God for all that he has given us and all that He has done and been in our lives. I had to thank Him for my wonderful giving husband, who knew right away that we are called to bless others.

It has been very rewarding in my own heart to find people in need and now instead of using Craig's list to get money we can use the net to be a blessing.

There is a ministry called Mission Arlington who will come and pick up our things to bless families in need and I have found a few people who can benefit from what we have.

What a joy to move from being self focused to being other's focused, all because of one wonderful husband.

Thank you God for such a wonderful thing!!!

Why Fred???

2008-08-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

I wrote this last year when I had to look deep within my heart and find out why I would choose Fred to spend the rest of my life with...

Why Fred?

I had to ask myself the question, Why Fred?

I guess if I asked myself the question, then maybe other's are wondering why Fred as well. I think that is a perfectly wonderful question to ask because it allows me to share a little bit about myself and a little bit about him.

Here is a glimpse into my at times crazy, but still wonderful life. I think I fit into several categories where things could look pretty grim as far as being successful. My biological Father took off on us early on in my life, leaving behind his wife and four children. My Mom remarried a year or two later and we were accepted into the Blumenberg family.

I am one of the lucky one's who had an awesome Step-Dad. Usually when I am talking about my Dad, I mean him. My Brothers had a hard time accepting my Step-Dad and so they found creative ways to get into trouble and made life a little bit hard for my family. My (Step) Dad endured a lot and through it all he loved each of us, I think my Dad is quite the man of honor for all he went though and choose to walk with us through regardless of the fact that we were not his own.

When I was sixteen my family went through a really hard. Right after my Dad left the military a situation occured with our land lord (he was crooked and did something awful) that caused us to have to move out of our rental house fast. In one month's time, my Dad was without work and we were looking at losing our home. Without going into grave detail, my family wound up being homeless. (If you care to know more about me story ask me and I will tell you.)

Although we endured some hard times over all my childhood memories are wonderful. My Mom and Dad used to pack us up on the weekends and we would take off to some wonderful spot in the country. I loved our weekend drives. We knew if Mom packed the cooler we were off to some wonderful place. We always had two cars, so sometimes we would load up in both and us kids would play walkie-talkie.

My brother's would go with our Dad and us girls would go with my Mom. They would drive just close enough for us to send silly messages back and fourth to each other. We loved it! We always sat down as a family and ate together, every once in awhile my Mom would take a break from cooking and buy T.V. dinners and we would eat them in front of the T.V., that was a treat to us. Not a norm! We would make fan tents in our playroom and stay up until the wee hours of the morning laughing at each other.

Our house was never empty. People loved coming over if not for us then just to visit my Mom or eat her good cooking lol. Four kids and two great parents equals full house all the time. Again even as a family we had our ups and downs, from trouble with my brothers, to issues with me (personal I can share one day), my sister being a teen Mom. Life was good, but there have always been lots of twist and turns along the way.

As for Fred, his Father was there, but he might as well not have been. Fred was raised in a very rough & tough environment. His Mom was the main bread earner, and did her best. I will not go into great detail as far as Fred's background, that is something he can do, but we grew up in situation's that some people would find hard to believe and even harder to endure.

One of the many things that God blessed me with is a happy heart so I can find joy in most situations. Even the personal things I endured as a child and as a teen. Fred's childhood gave him this hard shell. It also taught him to live hard. I mean that in a good way. Fred has a wonderful work ethic. He does not miss work and he gives it his all. That is very important. He wants people to know that he can be counted on. I'm sure he learned how important that is since he grew up with a Dad who could never be counted on.

Now if you know me well, you know I am the Queen of late! Fred on the other hand would rather be "an hour early, than a minute late." He reminds me of that all the time. Actually he challenges me to be better with my time. I love him for that. Just think friends there is hope, even for me!
When it happens thank Fred!!! LOL

He loves hard! I love that about him as well. Fred has suffered a lot on his road to love, he has been married before. Yet he still felt in his heart that someone somewhere would love him and accept him for who he is. He knew someone would encourage him the same way he would her to be a better person. He never gave up on love, instead he pursued it. Fred can come on quite strong and that has been hard for some people to take or even understand.

It can be intimidating to have a Fred after ya lol. Yet given the chance you will find out just how sweet he really is.

Earlier I shared small bits about my life growing up. The main reason I did that was not for myself, but so that you could understand how important Fred is to me. In the past with some of the men I have dated, they were in these perfect little life bubbles. They did not understand my life as a child/teen. They did not like talking about my experiences. Some of them would even tell me, “I don’t want to hear that.” They only wanted to talk about fluffy stuff.

No hard things.

No this is why I choose to live my life in the way I do today. Just pretend like the past never even happened. I always hated that because my past is a part of me and to deny it is to deny part of myself.

Fred on the other hand, not only acknowledged that he had a rough and really tough childhood, but he actually shares what happened, how it has shaped the way he lives today, and why he wants better things. Not only that, he also listens to me when I share. He will laugh with me and even cry with me. He will reach for my hand and wipe away my tears when I am sad and when I am happy.

He has never told me to shut up or to not speak about such things. He instead listens to my every word and cares about my heart. He responds so tenderly.

Without even asking him to sometimes he will just take me into his arms and hold me, when I had a rough day or share something sad. I have never asked him to wipe a single tear from my face, but he has. He has cried with me. You should see his face soften and his eyes weep when I weep. I can not explain it, I had never experienced it before until him, but it is wonderful to see and feel the care and concern pour out of his heart.

I know men love their sports, I have taken a back seat to sports in many relationships, and it was always very frustrating. What really makes me crazy is when your guy is 3 feet from the television and he wants you to get something for him and be quite so he can "focus on the game". I hate that! Again Fred amazes me because he is not like that. On Super Bowl Sunday Fred and I were supposed to go watch the game over a friend's house. Just before the game we had something happen that upset me and I could not stop crying. Really it was something between us that upset me. Anyway I told him to go to the super bowl party and we would work out our issue when he was ready, but I could not go.

Fred left and I sat in my tears. A little while later my phone rang and I noticed it was Fred. I picked up and he said I'm on my way back to your place. I told him he did not have to come because the game was still going and I did not want him to miss it on account of me. In my heart that would be unfair and I did not want that either. I was upset but I reasoned in my heart that we could talk later and that was okay. His response was do you not realize how important you are to me. The Super Bowl is just a game, but you I love. You are what’s important. Not some game.

My heart could not believe what this man was saying. I knew he loved me, but I did not expect him to give up the super bowl for me. Yet I have learned that Fred is that way. He will turn off football to talk to me and not even think twice about it. He will turn his phone off so we can enjoy our meals together without interruption. He always tells me our time is valuable and nothing can replace it.

He says, "There will never be another Tandi, nothing can replace you."

Actually I have a confession, Fred is the one who has to pull me out of my little Tandi box and make me open up to him. He always says, “please don't close your heart to me. It is important that we share.” More often than not Fred is the one pouring his heart out. He has been very "Real" right from the start. It is not easy being a divorced Christian man. A lot of people will end the relationship at hearing that. I wanted to know the reasons why he divorced, and I had to dig into God's word and make sure that we could date and if he could re-marry. After doing so I felt at peace with moving forward with our relationship.

Not knowing the wonderful things that awaited us.

Fred is the very big hearted. Once you see past his hard core you will figure that out too. Sometimes he will say things that make people wonder is this guy for real, or is he really crazy lol. Believe it or not I swear God paired us because I can get his sense of humor and laugh, remind him when he went a little too far, and still love him either way.

I think my Dad's sense of humor helped with that. I have to say my Dad is a wonderful godly man with a very strange sense of humor, like Fred's. Just to give you a little taste of it, when I introduced my Dad to people at church he told them I was his pet! Yeah he did! LOL. Oh and when he first talked to Fred over the phone he told Fred I was afflicted! Yeah he did! Fred's silence at one point gave away the fact that my Dad must be saying something crazy!!! Fred is the same way!

I truly believe my Dad’s crazy sense of humor has helped prepare me for Fred’s lol. In case you have not figured it out Fred will say something just to get a reaction. My Dad just gets a reaction. I guess they both do. Of course this has lead many to misjudge them both. Yet they are both wonderful men.

I have never met a man who does so many random acts of kindness. The kindness Fred has shown people has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. He will hear that someone has a need and he will meet it if he can. I would be here all day if I typed each one that I have experienced. It makes my heart smile even more because I know there are some that I don't even know about.

Fred is a giver. He loves to help in anyway he can, he has a true servants heart. I love that!
One of the most wonderful gifts Fred has given me in our relationship is purity. We are waiting until we are married to have sex. Fred reminds me all the time, I am worth the wait. Since he was married before it would be really easy for him to push the issue, but we decided from the start that we needed to do our relationship God's way. We want our foundation to be strong. We know in-order for that to happen we must invite Christ in. So we wait.

A lot of guys struggle with this both Christians and Non-Christians alike. I am proud of him for not pushing me, and reminding me that our relationship is not about that. Some would say even kissing is going too far, but we like to kiss. Is that selfish???

The best part is I can lay in his arms and just snuggle him for hours and know that he is not going to push me to sleep with him. I spend quite a bit of time (pretty much everyday) over Fred's place and every night We fall asleep just holding each other which is wonderfully sweet to me. Of course Fred gave us a curfew so at 9:50 every night his alarm sounds and we have to usher me out by 10. If I had chosen the time, our night would not end until 11pm or even midnight, of course Fred is a sleepy head and usually starts shutting down at 9ish so 10 will do lol. Either way We will both be glad when we are in our own home and I no longer have to rush out.

I absolutely love being held by him, what a wonderful gift to be given everynight. Fred gives me butterfly kisses on my forehead, cheeks, and shoulders. He is great at making my heart smile!
I love knowing that he can give me butterfly kisses and be happy. He will take his forehead and rest it on my forehead and smile or grin at me. What a delight!!!

Anyway, the list goes on and on. He prays for me. He prays with me. A little prayer goes a long way! He loves me as I am. Fred calls me his beautiful Princess Tandinika!

Always calls me the love of his life. He sings silly songs to me like Pretty Woman and/or You Are So Beautiful. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Why Fred huh? Because I have found that he is truly the love of my life. I never want to kiss another man. His love is something special and I don't want to let it go. He's not perfect, God is working on some things in him, but you know what, God is also working on some things in me.

I did not want perfect, what I prayed for was true love. God gave it to me, it did not come in the package I though it would, but it came. Right on time and even stronger/better than I could have imagined.

What a lucky woman I am!