Victory

Here I am married to this wonderful man, and yet sometimes I find myself not only thinking but saying, Fred you can do better. Not that, I can do better, but that he can do better.

I feel bad because in general I know that my husband is absolutely wonderful and yet I have told him that he is not.

Why would anyone in her right mind do that???

If I ask Fred to help me, he jumps right up and helps me. No moaning, no groaning, no anything other than pure 100% unquestioned help.

Really all I have to do is say something needs to be done and he will offer to do it or he will just do it. That is just how amazingly sweet he is. Freddie makes me feel so beautiful he has from day one and still today calls me his princess. His beautiful princess, he is totally convinced that I get checked out all the time and of course he is also convinced that he does as well. He likes to say, who wouldn't check out such a beautiful woman. I usually laugh at that, and smile. He is soooo cute!

Still I find the need to let him know that he is not, why? Why would anyone in her right mind do that.

Fred would get me dressed if I let him. Not to control me, but because his goal is to help me in whatever way I need. If that means dressing me, taking me out when I am tired, cleaning or keeping Kitty busy and away from me, he will do it.

I could go on and on about all the ways my husband lifts me up and for whatever reason every once in awhile I tear him down.

What's worst is he is the one who says, that hurt my feelings.

You know I did not ever think I would hear those words come out of my own husbands mouth. I for some reason thought I would be the one who said Fred hurt my feelings. I guess I had the men are dogs mentality. Not that I ever thought that Fred was a dog, of course not. I did however think that he had a greater chance of hurting my feelings, than I ever did of hurting his.

So needless to say that I was in total shock when I discovered that I can in fact hurt him badly and not only that I am an awful forgiver.

God has used our marriage to show me that I have a long way to go in my life journey and I have a lot of learning to do. Really I just discovered that I am not fully grown.

Now to my own defense I have found that I give Fred a hard time around a certain time of month. It does not happen every month thank goodness, but over the course of the past year there has been three occasions where I seemed to have completely forgotten what Fred's love is, how it feels, or even that it is real.

So maybe I can claim that I was in fact not in my right mind at the time, but I do not want to excuse it. I want it to not happen.

I want to always remember that I am married to a man who can see me unveiled and fully vulnerable and love me anyway. He is the person who has wiped away my tears. In fact even cried with me. He has drawn me into his arms in good times and in sad times. He is the man who has gladly given up football to love me and protect my heart.

The same man who makes me a bowl of cereal in the morning. The one who prays with me and for me. Who always kisses me goodnight and never leaves without kissing me and saying see you later. Always quick to remind me that our time is precious and every moment with me good or bad is a moment to treasure because it was our moment. He is my helper. The one my soul loves and longs for. He is so much more than a lover he is my friend.

I had to write this blog to see it, to read it, to remember him.

I know there is a great chance that I will have a moment again where I forget who he is, but I have promised in my heart that I will do better.

It is so funny how marriage parallels our life with Christ. Jesus longs to be close to me. To you. Longs for us to love Him, to remember him, and to trust Him. Christ loves us so much that he died to himself and hang on a cross. Knowing full good and well that we would reject Him, but hoping that in His ultimate showing of love we would come home into His arms. How often he says Tandi I love you, oh how I love you. Not only do I love you, but I will continue to love you no matter what you do to me.

I can spend my whole life running from God and rejecting Him and He will spend my whole life trying to bring me home. All I have to do is accept His love, ask for forgiveness, and say I am yours.

Just like I have had to accept my husbands love, ask him to forgive me for forgetting his, and say I am yours.

So just as in my marriage when I have come to the place where I realize my sin and ask my husband to forgive me I too find myself in that place in my walk with Jesus.

I wish I could say that I have not recently had an episode where I forgot how much Fred loved me, but with His help I was able to stop, think, and realize what was happening. With his help we overcame the situation and in the end I feel like we came out stronger and better than before. Knowing that we can conqueror hardships.

God too in Jesus wants us to know that we are more than conquerors and if we would just go to him with our troubles, with our cares, pain, and joy that he will heal our wounded souls. Now don't get me wrong sometimes we want to rush through the process. Sometimes the process can be long and tiring. God did not promise that anything would be easy. Do not get fooled into thinking that you will not suffer, but know without a doubt you are not alone and God will be with you. If you trust Him. He will walk with you, he will carry you if need be, he will wrap His arms around you and there will be victory.

Rest assured my God is an awesome God!

If my human husband can love me, walk with me, and bring me to a place of hope and healing than surely God can.

So who knows what tomorrow may bring, hey who knows what the next minute may bring, but there is hope.

There is hope.